Monday, 3 December 2012
And now I just felt the first wave of sadness. Its so pure and comes across me like a silk sheet of loss. The comedown from crack on its own is horrendous and I don't know how anyone can put themselves through it without heroin. Crack comedown without the support of opiates gives me the feeling that everything in the world that was any good has left me and that the world will never, never be the same again. My life becomes an empty space where possibility ends and there is only the negative. No, I need the heroin to keep me from that deep void. I'll take the expense and risk and the life of obsession that comes with the snowball habit (neither crack nor smack is OK on its own anymore: I have to have both). And as my head starts to get foggy as the crack leaves my body I feel my eyelids get heavy and the smack takes over where the other left off. And sleep feels like a definite possibility. But still I feel sadness under it all. Perhaps that's what drives my in the end. Perhaps the sadness of comedown isn't a fall but a return. Perhaps its me. (Better have another one now, this is getting not only heavy but deeply pretentious). Laters.